▲ Words. @ 17 August, 2011

What are words if you really don't mean it when you say them? - Chris Medina.

Looking forward to the end of prelims, definite thing. Extremely worn out from studying all week long and having to slog my guts out just for the prelims papers. On the other hand, it's been a bad day, everything was going well, not till the least expected. Just disappointed, no other words to describe my situation and self.

Reflection. Pricks me quite badly ever since i heard it from you personally. You finally showed your true colors. I've never had someone spoken to me this way before, or rather in this manner/tone. I was taken aback, indeed i was. I felt my heart sinking right to the bottom of my inner soul, i didn't know what to do next. My mind became a completely blank page all of a sudden. I couldn't seem to think of anything else other than the sentence i heard. It just kept ringing. I tried and tried, flipping page by page and trying not to let it swim through my mind, but to no avail. The sentence just kept playing back at the back of my mind, and in front of it, was a painted picture of you. I tried to keep my emotions calm, repeatedly telling myself not to let my mind wander off any further, warning my feelings to stay the way they currently are. But then again, it all just doesn't seem right. I felt really uneasy and for a few whole minutes i felt as though i'm living in a colorless word. Not even grey or white. Complete black pitch. It was scary and horrible living there, even it was just for a few minutes.

I've never grown tired of you, have never, never will. You said you're tired of this, i'm still pondering over what 'this' refers to. I feel like a total fool right now. Inside of me, is a totally restless teen girl currently with unstable emotions, wanting to badly express to a pair of listening ears that can be 100% trusted, wanting to cry on a shoulder. Maybe i brought this all upon myself, self-inflicted damages and scars that i never expected myself to have. Having to cry yourself to sleep is not a good thing, not a good idea to make you sleep. There's no meaning at all. I'll learn to be strong, pick up from where i fell, and move on. Change my mistakes, and keep silent.